


Measuring Distances

by KrisEleven



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, POV First Person, Season/Series 04, Website: Heart of Camelot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-06 01:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/729994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrisEleven/pseuds/KrisEleven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lancelot measures the distance between Gwen and himself in different ways, and always finds that it is too far to reach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Measuring Distances

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Heart of Camelot's Lyrics and Melodies drabble challenge, and based off of the song 'Colorblind' by Counting Crows.

I measure the distance between us in miles and ache. Even though she isn’t mine, even though I gave her up freely, it still hurts to leave Gwen’s side. 

I berate myself for my weaknesses. I dream at night of her face.

I measure the distance between us in promises and it is insurmountable; I don’t have the right. I made the decision to stand aside in the contest for her affections. Not to give her to Arthur – she is _no_ trinket, nor a _prize_ – but because I feared Gwen’s heart was too kind. If she thought she was hurting one of us, perhaps she would never choose and she deserves love, deserves him. 

I could never be the reason they were parted. My affections are promised to Gwen, and my loyalty is forever held in Arthur’s grip; I cannot have the one without breaking the other. I could not live with myself if I did. 

Watching as the greatest King I will ever know prepares to sacrifice himself for his Kingdom, watching as the bravest man I have ever met prepares to sacrifice himself for his King, I know why I was not allowed to have her. 

The future rests on the shoulders of an unsure, golden King and his fiercely devoted shadow. Camelot needs them. I know what I must do to serve her.

I don’t want to go. I don’t want to never see her again. I don’t want to have given her up.

Just one more glance, one more day, one more, one last, one, just _one_. 

I measure the distance between us in heartbeats, and know, now... it is more than I have left in me.

But she will be fine.

Gwen will be fine, so I... 

I am ready. I am fine.


End file.
